Queetar Fact Page

Typical Queetar with a new toy	Leader of the United Queetar's Worker's Union

BACKGROUND

The Infamous half-man, quarter-wolverine, quarter-Philly Fanatic is native to the Great Lakes Region, but migrated to the mountainous island of New Guinea after the humiliation of a Canadian baseball team (the Toronto Blue Jays) winning back to back world series in 1992 and 1993. Oddly, Queetars are notorious for their hatred of baseball, due to allergic reactions to overweight first basemen and Rickey Henderson (a member of the 1993 World Champion Toronto Blue Jays).

Queetars are feared by New Guinea islanders because they constantly sing Talking Heads songs translated into broken Langobardic German.

Queetars live on a strictly regimented diet of Stir Fried Komodo Dragons, Pan Seared Sea Gulls, Fried River Trout, Boiled Green Apples and the occasional Baked Australian stuffed with a raw New Zealander. The latter dish usually commands a huge tribal feast, all the more odd considering that Queetars live in tribes of one.

Queetar social reluctance has been attributed to the sterility that results when wolverines attempt to cross breed with the Philly Fanatic. With that said, no one can figure out why the Queetar is not extinct. Seriously, is someone making more of these things somewhere? If so, please contact the proper authorities so they can be arrested, as making Queetars is forbidden by INTERPOL.

Queetars generally spend time either fish throwing of fueling their tenacious pinball appetite. This pinball addiction tends to manifest itself in a repetitive 4 stage cycle composed of:

1. Building pinball machines out of trees, rocks and komodo dragon bones
2. Attempting to play these poorly built pinball machines
3. Breaking pinball machines when they fail to work properly
4. Stealing trees, rocks and komodo dragon bones from other nearby Queetars

For live footage of a Queetar in his natural environment, check out this amazing live video feed.