Yellow Bellied Marmots

The Yellow Bellied Marmot lives in the Rocky Mountains in North America.

Marmots tend to be the most interesting member of the rodent family, however that doesn't change the fact that they're still worthless rodents.

The yellow bellied marmot is sometimes called a "rock chuck," not to be confused with The Rock or famous civil rights activist Chuck Billy.

Yellow Bellied Marmots are closely related to the groundhog, but they tend to get along about as well as the Hatfields and McCoys of Kentucky. Many scholars have been amazed to discover that groundhog day is celebrated in the Rockies in almost the same manner as Rosh Hoshanah is in the West Bank.

To endure winter hibernation, marmots typically eat all summer until their body fat content is about 60% of it's total weight. The closest comparison among North American mammals is John Popper (of Blues Traveler). In his attempt to endure Y2K, Popper spent the better part of the 1990s with a fat content close to 58% of his total body weight. Like a marmot come spring, Popper currently is slimmed down to a healthy weight (but this is subject to change at any given moment).

Pathetic twenty-something Colorado National Forest Service Rangers apparently have created a game in which you throw rocks at marmots on mountain summits until I hike within eye sight. At that point, these individuals must hop on their dirtbikes (their only worldly possesion worth more than $7.50) and ride off to another marmot covered mountain top. The rules for this event appear to closely mirror those of the Biathlon in the Winter Olympics

The Colorado Branch of the National Forest Service has recently announced the bombshell that marmots are "disgusting creatures." More on this when it becomes available. In the meantime, like all "disgusting" rodents, they deserve to be stoned mercilessly for their sins.