France

Land of the Royale with Cheese. And Le Big Mac.

3 seconds before the fat chick steals my croissant

Looks like Paris was some good stuff. Now, I'm not sure if it was the previous eating in Britain, or the fact that your average Frenchman drowns everything in mayonnaise, but I look to have been pretty skinny after a few days on an all croissant diet. After that, I finally figured out what a whopper was called in France.

Most of your guidebooks tell you that 83% of all tourists visiting the Arc de Triomphe get hit by cars, busses or Algerians on bikes. Now, first off, I'm not a tourist (I'm a traveller, dammit). Regardless, I seem to be in the lucky 17%.

Some of France looks alot like some of England

Proving that a good joke never dies, I later met up with French Pres. Jacque Chirac, who also has a fondness for four legged mammals. Some might say, in true French style, he surrendered to the goats. Luckly, I'm above that. Mainly because the prick slapped me with a lawsuit for libel. Prince Charles was way better than this guy. Judging by their suits, I think they have the same tailor.

If you ask the goats, I bet Jacque Chirac gives lousy head.